So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So apparently I’m into choking now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
