I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
