...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
