What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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