We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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