she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
