she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
