Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
