dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
