pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
