You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
