My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
