Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
