There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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