trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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