what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
