if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
