You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
