Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
