I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
