my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
