someone get that fucking seahorse.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
