I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
