I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize