i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
