u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
