i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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