I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
