Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so let's talk penis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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