I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
