Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
