he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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