people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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