Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's shark week go big or go home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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