no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
