a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
