how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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