I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
