friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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