FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
