whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
