Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
