you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
