You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
