rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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