Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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