Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
