I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
