This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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