I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
