so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
