I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
