you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
