If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
