Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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