I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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