He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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