It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
