you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
