take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
