friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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