Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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