I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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