We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my shit smells like andre
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
