The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
