So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
