Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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