it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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