i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
